An Open Letter to Whoever's Behind Removable Cups

+ some Prime Day links

To whom it SHOULD concern,

Please stop with the removable cups. I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore.

For once in your life, make a decision — either SEW THEM IN or LEAVE THEM OUT. I don’t want to make the decision myself anymore. Please don’t put that power in my tiny, chubby, incredibly NOT nimble hands. They can barely clasp and unclasp a necklace, let alone work their way into the tiny sliver of material you so generously leave open for us to adjust the cups on our own when they inevitably become mangled.

The amount of time and energy I’ve wasted attempting to un-bunch and rearrange removable cups has taken years off my life. I could’ve been out the door and in the car so much sooner had it not been for your fussy, deranged cups free-floating around my bathing suit or sports bra, creating the illusion of lumpy tits that I can’t just simply accept without trying my best to fix.

Perhaps if you provided some sort of dainty tweezers made specifically for the tweaking of removable cups, but you don’t. You throw them in with a careless, borderline f*ck you attitude that screams, “You want cups? Fine. Have cups. But don’t come crying to us when they fold into thirds on their own or come out in the wash altogether, and you can’t fit your fingers into the sliver to fix them. You asked for this. Your and your nipples.”

But we didn’t ask for this. I certainly didn’t, anyway. I’m fine without cups — free the nipple, I say! I’m not trying to hide my womanhood or natural shape of my breasts. But for the women who *prefer* a cup, sew👏 them👏 in 👏. Yes, I know we women are always asking for more freedom, more rights, more choice. But not with this. Not anymore. For once in my life, I am not pro-choice on the subject of removable cups. I yield back my time to you, bathing suit and sports bra creators, and ask that you please just make the decision for us — sewn-in cups or no cups at all. Period.

I have a graveyard of removable cups free-floating throughout my closet and drawers because I just didn’t have the time to deal with them. After one wear or one wash, they become impossible to rectify. I stand in my closet half-naked and usually sweating, forcing my arm and hand to twist, pinch, and bend in ways they were never meant to all in the name of flattening out the fickle piece of worthless material *you* insisted on providing as an option for this piece of clothing.

So, please — on behalf of all women like me everywhere — stop with the removable cups. They cause more turmoil and wreck more havoc than they bring comfort and joy. Save yourself the time and material. Take your life back. Leave us alone. Please.

Sincerely,

The majority of womankind

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I’m not gonna overwhelm you guys. I’m sure you’ve done the majority of your Prime Day shopping by now, but just in case you want some more things to click and add to cart, I went through my favorite purchases so far this year and have gathered up what’s a part of the sale!

Amazon Prime Visa — This is actually the best thing I’ve gotten from Amazon ever. The cash back deals and rewards are amazing. If you shop on Amazon and at Whole Foods often, this card is well worth it.

Maternity Onesie — Just got this and can already tell it’ll be on heavy rotation. It’s so soft and stretchy, and slips on and off easily so peeing isn’t an issue. $23.19

Maternity Comfy Shorts — I own these in three colors because they’re just so easy and simple for summertime pregnancy. $20.79

Maternity Biker Shorts — I also own these in three colors and LIVE in them. They are just perfect and the side pockets are extremely handy. $17.98

Maternity Two-Tone Swimsuit — This is my favorite swimsuit, and I’ve gotten so many compliments on it! $29.59

Maternity Wedge Pillow — I love this particular pillow. It’s perfect for side sleepers who switch sides throughout the night. I use it nightly! $23.99

Dog Stairs — If your pet needs help getting onto the bed or couch, these stairs are easy to setup and not too terrible to look at. $35.55

Wooden Bed Trays — We only got these to use during our renovation, but they are pretty great and super handy. $19.79

Yellow-Tinted Sunglasses — Do you want to look like a slimy Hollywood director like me? Get these! No, but really. They’re very cool. $11.99

Tote Organizer Insert — I wouldn’t be able to function without this in my LL Bean tote bag. Gone are the days of just throwing things into your bag and rummaging around blindly until you find what you’re looking for. This insert will be the smartest thing you buy in years. $22.39

Calphalon 11-in-1 Toaster Oven — This thing can air fry, bake, broil, roast, defrost, toast, etc. It’s been a godsend during this renovation and will continue to be after! $215.99

Tie Dye Slippers — These are just fun. I love mine and will probably order a backup pair while they’re on sale because I never want to be without! $14.20

SNACKS Bag — I got this in my first trimester because I quickly realized I needed a designated bag o’ snacks. I think it’s so cute and fun, and it holds A LOT of snacks. $7.98

Mattress Topper — This is a cooling mattress topper and has made our bed 100x cozier. We love it. Price varies with size.

Smart Plug — I will never not list the Amazon Smart Plugs during Prime Day. They allow you to have a nearly hands-free house when it comes to switching lights off and on, so why wouldn’t you have a bunch? Plus, they’re half off! $12.99

Candle Warmer with Lamp — I wasn’t sure this thing was worth the hype, but IT IS. It adds ambiance through smell and sight, which we love. Never light another candle with this thing. $19.98

Updated Ring Doorbell — Last but not least, I treated us to the most updated version of the Ring Doorbell because the one we have was a refurbished one and the charging process is a bitch and a half. This one has a much clearer HD camera and an easily removable battery pack. Plus with my Prime Visa, I used my rewards on it and got it for soooo cheap! I’m pumped. $99.99

❤️ If you liked or loved this letter, hit that little heart at the bottom to show some love. A little love goes a looooong way around here ❤️

Until next time,

— EGM