My Only Two Regrets + The (Belated) 📖📺🎧🔪🛍️ List
Featuring the most incredible, homemade peppermint hot chocolate to ever exist.
Sunday evening, we showed up at 5:30 on the dot at a local pizza joint so we got a seat at the bar as soon as the doors opened. We were placing a to-go order to bring across town to my parents for Sunday night dinner and knew it would take a minute, so we cozied up, order cocktails, and proceeded to get a little buzzed.
On the drive up north with our fresh pizza in tow (my car still smells like pepperoni and onions, which is great in the moment but notsogreat every moment thereafter), we were listening to a Tosh Show podcast episode in which he interviews his “favorite athlete without legs,” AKA Blake Leaper.
Tosh has no filter (which is why I love his podcast) and, at one point, asked Blake if he could do it all again and be born with legs, would he? Of course, Blake said no way, that his condition has made him who he is and he loves who he is.
This, paired with the very strong dirty vodka martini I had a half hour earlier, got me thinking — would *I* do it over if I could? Would my audience?
I put a poll out on Instagram to ask the same question, and gave it no other specifics. It was just a big, general “if you could do ‘it’ over, would you?” for my audience to interpret and react to on their own.
Maybe it’s the optimist in me, but I expected more people to say “No, I wouldn’t.” To my genuine surprise, 24 hours later, it was practically split down the middle and actually skewed a bit on the “Yes, I would” side. Curiosity got the best of me, and I asked my audience who had answered “yes” to elaborate via a Q&A box, and I shared some of those responses earlier this morning.
A lot of reasoning was, well, reasonable. Many shared regrets about babies + infertility + etc. Several people wrote about deaths in the family they would’ve handled differently. A few people alluded to perhaps marrying later in life or skipping their marriage all together.
Now it’s my turn to weigh in on my POV re: doing it over or living with regret, and I have to say I truly don’t believe in either. I’ve always subscribed to the idea that there is a greater plan at play and that everything — even the worst things — happen for a reason. Sure, I have my days where I wonder if this way of thinking is to protect myself against the possibility that everything is actually random and meaningless. But most days, I truly believe it.
That said, there are two things I would love to change about my life thus far if I could.
The first is actually on my parents. If I could, I would love to go back in time and force them to have me earlier AND to stay in California so I was not only born a bit sooner and was of-age when the American verison of The Office’s writing staff was being formed, but so I was also physically in California and hopefully had taken all the right steps to throw my hat in the ring to be a part of the most incredible sitcom of all time (besides Seinfeld) and become lifelong friends and writing partners of Mindy and BJ’s. So, Ellen — I blame you.
The second echoes what several people wrote in about not wasting time on undeserving men. Specifically one man who I dated for much too long and was so desperate to make love me and make it work that I was willing to look past the countless red flags and road blocks that purposely prohibited our relationship to be long-lasting or rewarding in any sense of the word. I have countless examples like this — just wasted time and emotion on literal schmucks who didn’t deserve the time of day — but you live and you learn, you know?
And I think that sentiment — living and learning — is why I believe so much in everything happening exactly as it should. To quote our queen,
“Every part of you that you’ve ever been, every phase you’ve ever gone through, was you working it out in that moment with the information you had available to you at the time. There’s a lot that I look back at like, ‘Wow, a couple years ago I might have cringed at this.’ You should celebrate who you are now, where you’re going, and where you’ve been.” — T. Swift
Every decision I’ve made, person I’ve let in or go, job I’ve landed or missed — they’ve all led me to where I am today. Sure, meeting Zac in my 20s would’ve been nice and given us more time, but it wasn’t supposed to be that way. We met exactly when we were supposed to and while, yes I am prone to existential anxiety attacks every day sparked by the thought of being an “old parent,” there’s nothing I would do differently to speed up time or change my life path. I went full-time freelance when I was supposed to, I met Zac when I was supposed to; hell, Instagram launched when it was supposed to as far as I’m concerned because if I had social media like this in college, I would either be a dropout, in jail for damning myself with some underage shit via an IG story, or even more tethered to it than I am now, which feels impossible. The mere thought makes me shudder.
All we can do going forward is take what we know and the knowledge and life lessons we’ve gained from it all and keep on keeping on. And remember: if it’s meant to be yours, nothing you do or say will spoil it. It all works out in the end, some how. Some way.
WATCHING 📺
We started Super Pumped last week, about the story of Uber. It stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt who I’ve always had a soft spot for and who plays a power hungry asshole a little too well. We’re really enjoying the series so far and finding it eye opening.
Over the weekend, we watched the Jon Batiste documentary, American Symphony, following his journey of creating an orchestral piece of music while his wife, who has been battling cancer for a decade, learns it’s back. It’s incredibly intimate, raw, and pretty heart-wrenching but definitely worth a watch.
We aren’t big thriller and suspense people, but the previews and cast of Leave the World Behind got us so we ended up buckling in for the 2.5 hour movie on Saturday night. Can I just say, I love Julia Roberts so much? She is so beautiful and if I could look like anyone else, it’d probably be her. Anyway, this movie was wild. I’m not sure if the ending paid off or did the greater message any justice, but the acting, themes, music, and overall WTF of the plot was super intriguing and kept us engaged the entire time. I think that a cyberattack could very well happen makes it unnervingly eery. It’s a long but fun watch — I’d recommend.
I haven’t treated myself to Olivia Rodrigo’s Tiny Desk concert yet, but am planning to watch it with Zac this week. I can’t wait — what a talent.
LISTENING TO 🎧
Like I mentioned in my essay, I’m playing catch-up with Tosh Show and love it so much.
MAKING 🔪
Okay. Did you know that, when turned on and left alone for several minutes, the Vitamix makes whatever you put it in HOT? GUYS, I DIDN’T KNOW THIS AND MY ENTIRE WORLD HAS CHANGED. I found this Peppermint Hot Chocolate recipe recently, sort of cocked my head at the idea of doing it all in a Vitamix, but decided to give it a go last night and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. It’s the most incredibly creamy, delicious hot cocoa I’ve ever had or made and I am still in awe that the mixture was STEAMING. Follow the recipe exactly (sub peppermint extract for candy canes if you don’t happen to have candy canes on hand lol), and prepare to be amazed.
Speaking of peppermint things, I also made my annual Peppermint Bark Fudge over the weekend to surprise Ellen with (it’s her favorite) and wanted to share that recipe in case you didn’t know of it. It’s SO easy and a holiday party pleaser.
Lastly, I made Brocc Your Body’s loaded veggie soup last night to start the week off on a cleansing, healthy note and it is DELISH. Add the chicken! And maybe do two cups of chicken broth + two cups of veggie broth. Just a suggestion.
SHOPPING 🛍️
I may have returned the Boll and Branch blankets I ordered during the Thanksgiving holiday sales, but I did not return the down mattress topper I also ordered. I got it on way sale and it’s a pure delight to sleep on, let me tell ya. We’ve been sleeping real good in the Miller household, okay?!
I ordered this waffle knit polo sweater on a whim, and I wore it for four days straight when it arrived. It’s amazing, and I can’t recommend it enough. Treat yourself.
We always have magazines floating around the house and it makes my anal retentive tendencies very unhappy. Therefore, I finally ordered a side table that doubles as a magazine holder and it’s FANTASTIC? Great quality, perfect size, and good looking — JUST LIKE ME!
We did A LOT of reorganizing and redecorating around the house this weekend, which involved ordering this massive mirror from Target for our bedroom and also getting this cutie from World Market for our den. MIRRORS ON MIRRORS. Mirrors are expensive as fuck, but man they really make a statement when you find the right ones. Plus, I’ve always the coveted the Primrose mirror from Anthro but can’t bring myself to spend that kind of money on it, so these suffice!
I might’ve also thrown this in my Target cart for fun. I literally cannot refuse a hair accessory — it’s a serious issue.
Hope you enjoyed this belated free Friday letter on a Tuesday! Tuesday is honestly the worst day of the week, so I’m glad I could provide a small bit of fun in your inbox (or on the app if you have it downloaded).
As we head into the new year, consider upgrading your membership so you’re around for all the paid content to come…
Talk soon!
— EGM
Oh I didn’t know Olivia Rodrigo did another tiny desk concert. I’ve watched her one from a couple years ago on YouTube several times! She films it at the DMV for when she sang Drivers License