Reno(vation) 911! + New, Exciting Intrusive Thoughts!

Home and mind updates plus a very small sneak peek of the nursery

Quick note: This letter has A LOT of pictures, so your email may cut it off. Be sure to view the entire letter either by clicking "View entire message" at the end of the email or downloading the Substack app (which is great, BTW).

I lived alone for *checks watch* 11 years and not once did I ever have paranoid, intrusive thoughts or anxieties about my home being broken into and me being face-to-face with danger. Call it naivety, but I just didn’t worry about that kind of stuff even though I was single and living on my lonesome with the world’s friendliest Cavapoo who would welcome any stranger into our home with a hug and some licks.

Fast forward to today. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and living with my husband, and suddenly I’m being kept up at night with thoughts of someone breaking and entering our house for the first time in my life. The thoughts are so intense, in fact, that I had a dream over the weekend that it was 3am and Zac came into our bedroom. I woke up IRL, threw my arm out to feel for Zac who was already in bed, realized it wasn’t him who had just walked into our bedroom, sat up, turned on our light, and yelled “ZAC!” I fully expected to see a stranger standing at the end of our bed, but there was no one.

🫠🫠🫠

I also keep playing out scenarios like what if someone were to come in. What would we do? We have protection here but it’s locked away and unloaded and there would be no time to get to it and defend ourselves. I’m telling you guys — I have never in my life had these worries, and I fully realize it’s because I’ve never felt so vulnerable at almost 9 months pregnant, and we are about to have a tiny, fragile life to protect. Motherhood is already fucking with my head big time.

WHAT A JOY!!!