The Weekly Digress + An Essay About Coming Home

Equal parts surface-level and sentimental today

Today’s letter is a two-parter, kinda. At the top, I’m going to share my typical consumer-heavy bits of content. But then, over the paywall, we’re gonna take a sharp left turn and get sappy. So get ready for some serious whiplash (I feel like that isn’t at all PC to say anymore? Like I’m just now realizing how fucked up that term is. WTF).

READING

I finally finished The God of the Woods. I say “finally” because Allie and I try to read the same books at the same time, but she reads more often than I do, so she’s always ahead of me (this is why I was never any good at book clubs). But over the weekend in Chicago, I got to stay up super late reading (“What a treat!” said the overtired mom with permanent bags under her eyes) and finished the book.

Without spoilers, here are my thoughts:

• I don’t usually read thrillers or whodunit novels. It’s not my thing. In fact, I stay away from the genre altogether via TV and movies, too. But I enjoyed the writing and narrative style of this book.

• I was pretty horrified and devastated to learn what happened and how it happened to Bear.

• I called the whereabouts of Barbara super early-on in the book.

• I don’t really understand the role of Tracy’s character. Like her POV didn’t add much to the plot, IMO. I get that she is representing the doesn’t-fit-in of early teenhood, but I’m not sure it was necessary.

• I felt it was slightly too long and grew impatient with the author ending every chapter with a minor cliffhanger.

Before I left Chicago, Allie and I wanted to decide on our next read and we landed on The Names by Florence Knapp. In just two sittings, I’m over 30% through (that’s big for me). A high-level plot synopsis is a woman is demanded by her abusive husband to name their son after him and what happens in three parallel universes when she doesn’t. In two universes, he is named by his mom and sister. In the third, she obeys and gives him his father’s namesake. It’s a Sliding Doors kind of novel and, so far, it’s incredibly intriguing.

My only hang up is the domestic violence. I have never read a book depicting DV before, and it’s absolutely brutal. I find myself getting queasy and skimming over those particular paragraphs because I can’t stomach it. But the prose is incredible, and I am already desperate to learn how the three parallel lives play out.

WATCHING

I love Benito Skinner and Mary Beth Barone so deeply. I’ve been listening to them podcast for years now; it started with Obsessed (bleep it) and became Ride, and their podcast is the one I look forward to the most every week.

Benny has been writing a semi-autobiographical show about his life for 8 years now, and they sold it to Prime last year. It tells the story of him being closeted in college, and it’s called Overcompensating.

I like it, but I don’t LOVE it. Not yet. And I feel guilty for that. So much so, that I’ve been reading Reddit threads about the show to see if I can’t figure out why I’m not ob******. Holmes steals every fucking scene she’s in, I’ll say that much. She is FUCKING HILARIOUS. Carmen just isn’t doing it for me, I guess. Like I don’t feel a lot of love for her. Benny and Mary Beth are amazing, of course. But I don’t know! The first two episodes didn’t blow me away, but episode three (which I watched last night) was pretty funny and my favorite so far. There are some really good themes they’re touching on, so… we’ll see! That’s my honest reaction.

MAKING

This garlic butter rice is DIVINE. I made it as a side dish this week, and YUM. The crunchy garlic bits and extra minced garlic in the rice is just 🤌

I ordered this cookbook when the author announced it and just made my first recipe from it this week. I don’t know much about this man other than he lost a lot of weight by prioritizing protein, he’s Persian, and his recipes do not skimp on seasoning and flavor. It’s all high protein, low carb Mediterranean-inspired recipes, so think LOTS of marinated meat recipes as well as bright and fresh side dishes, like the tomato/cucumber/onion/mint/lemon juice salad I made this week. I feel like it’s the perfect companion for grilling season.

I’ve completely pulled back on ingesting sweets, but I made a batch of the best CCC ever for my aunt’s birthday and kept two for me and Zac (SORRY, AUNT J!!!) and holy SHIT. They’re just absolutely perfect in every way, this cookie. My secret that makes them extra incredible is to do a balanced mix of semisweet, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate chips. Trust me on this.

SHOPPING

Allie and I did a lot of bopping around in Chicago last weekend, but I only ended up with one clothing item: these J.Crew “Made in Spain” Mary Jane espadrilles. I’ve been jonesing for a summer shoe that isn’t a sandal, and these were exactly what I was looking for. At $200, they’re not cheap (nor are they on sale) but I have nothing like them and need them. The square toe is on-trend, and I love that there’s a layer of mesh fabric underneath the woven raffia so your toes aren’t 100% exposed. They’re also incredibly comfortable.

Charlotte Tilbury’s Hyaluronic Happikiss Lipstick Balm in “Pillow Talk” is my everyday go-to for some easy, light color and I realized my current tube was down to the plastic tip touching my lips, so I replenished!

I also got this blush stick by Westman Atelier to try. I’m a little bored of the same two blushes I’ve been using forever and want a more pigmented color, so I got the BICHETTE (and yes, I love that it sounds like BITCHETTE), which is a red berry shade. Will report back (or most likely on IG).

I’m a somewhat closeted Free People fan. I don’t buy from them a lot, but I love their offerings. Almost every piece of theirs is a contradiction: oversized yet form-fitting, baggy yet exposing, drapey yet slutty. I love it. I popped in this week and walked away with this brown gingham dress that I feel phenomenal in. It’s very cleavage-forward, which isn’t my norm but IDK — I just felt like me in this dress. It comes in a few other color ways, but I’m having a brown gingham moment, so this was it for me.

While there, I spotted this bandana tied up on display and was that girl who set down her bags and ruined the display by taking it off (it was the only one in-store!!!). The color I got is called “Midnight Combo,” and I love that it’s big enough to style any number of ways. I’m a sucker for an accessory.

Lastly, have I mentioned that I’m so very over the wide-leg, barrel-jean of it all? I’m just not into it anymore. Actually, I’m not sure I was ever fully into it to begin with. I feel my best and most comfortable in a “mom jean” — i.e. high-waist, straight leg, and CROPPED to the ankle. My favorite jeans I’ve ever owned are by American Eagle (of all places) but haven’t fit me in *checks watch* a few years, so I ordered their update version in sizes that do fit me and love them all the same. I always get the “short” length, and they are just perfect. Highly recommend.

That’s all for free subscribers! Now, for some paywall sappiness.

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“Coming Home”

For 10+ years, I came home to nothing.

Okay, not nothing, but not much.

Cece, sure. My parents, kind of. A “house” that was mine, sorta.

But that was about it.

Even if I happened to have an official boyfriend at the time, it was never serious enough to file under the “I can’t wait to get home and see you” category. I was never willing to play that card. It never felt deserved.

I used to travel to Chicago a lot. 2-3x a year at least, if not more. Because my sister was there and so was her wife and being there always felt like an escape of sorts. An escape from the monotony of my singlehood, the constant flow of disappointments, the consistent reminder of how, at the end of the night, it was just me coming home to no one. Going to bed alone. Waking up without.

It’s a pessimistic way to look at it, no doubt. But I remember what it felt like to be a singular entity all those years, and the toll it took on me. I love my parents and I love my dog and I love my friends, but none of it was the same as coming home to someone. My someone.