A Plea For Immediate Befores and Afters

Because, truly, the suspense is killing me.

I have the pettiest, most specific request for everyone in existence, and I’m hoping that by making the plea here, we can use our collective power to get the word out.

Please, for the love of the Social Media Gods, if you are getting a haircut and have plans to show us a “before” and “after,” post them in immediate succession.

We all love a before and after, but I don’t think I’m alone in complaining about the lag time in between the two when you don’t time it out perfectly. It’s one thing to post that you’re at the hair salon—okay! That’s great. That’s fine. But if you go out of your way to post yourself in the chair with your hair as is with “BEFORE” written on the image, I’m going to need the next screen to be the after.

The easiest way to do this is to save your before for when you have your after so you can post them simultaneously.

“But, Emma,” you say with an air of annoyance, “I’m trying to live in the moment. I want to post in real-time!” And I get that, I do. But there’s a time and place for real-time posting as opposed to just an hour or two delayed posting. A before and after of a hair cut or complete hair overhaul is the time and place for immediate gratification.

Take, for example, when I post before and afters of our kitchen in disarray or the small cyclone that went through our bedroom. If I were to post both at, say, 11 AM and you don’t receive a “Tap to Clean” by 2 PM, you feel shorted, right? You feel tricked, bamboozled, and like a goddamn fool. Right? Right.

All I’m saying is that with a hair salon before and after, a little strategy goes a long way.

I want the big reveal. I want to be hit square in the face with your before and be on the edge of my seat to tap slightly on the right of my screen to see how much better you look immediately! If you create too much lag time in between, I lose interest. I’ve moved on. Your “after” will come when I’m busy doing something else or, worse yet, it’ll be buried behind all the other stories I’m working my way through and, when I finally get to yours, the climax will be depressingly anti. “Oh,” I’ll think to myself. “Cool.” And we don’t want that.

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Now, for some links.

I brought this incredibly heavy-duty jacket with me to Chicago this weekend that has no home in Dallas but is necessary here, and I’m just happy it’s gotten some use this winter. It has 25 pockets and is wonderfully insulated.

I ordered a new book to start reading next week: The Villa. If you listen to the Bad on Paper podcast, this is their January book of the month, and they made it sound so good, I had to get it. They’re discussing it next week, but I definitely won’t be done with it, so I’ll have to save that episode.

I got a number of “OMG BE CAREFUL DON’T SLICE YOUR FINGER OFF” DMs the other week when I posted about this chef’s grade mandolin slicer. Guys, I know. I know how treacherous these things can be, trust me. But this one comes with an incredible contraption that does the sliding so your bare hand doesn’t have to! It also has 21 settings so you can get your veggies exactly right.

This isn’t a link, but a question: I asked for the coveted Stanley Cup for Christmas and since Santa doesn’t exist, did not receive it. Is it worth it? Let me know in the comments.

Zac got me this Patagonia sweater for Christmas, and it’s seriously the best sweater I’ve ever owned. The cut is flattering as hell (read: NO DROP SHOULDERS), the length is perfection (not too long, but not cropped), and the material is chic yet casual. It’s on sale right now and I suggest you get yourself one.

Lastly, I really can’t sing these see-through cosmetic bags enough praises. I pack them for every trip-including the one I’m on now-and they make seeing what I need so much easier, especially when traveling. Also, their structure is impressive and they need no help standing upright.

Now go out there and have a great weekend!