I Like My Sugar with Coffee and Cream.

or Why You Should Never Sacrifice Your Morning Cup of Coffee

As long as my memory serves me, morning coffee has been a ceremonious occasion in my family. Long before I adopted it into my own morning routine as a young adult in college, the important, ritualistic method of the perfect cup of morning coffee was engrained into my brain. While my dad woke up every day and made his way into work, grabbing his typical Starbucks order during his commute, it was my mom who demonstrated how to do morning coffee day after day. While we weren’t allowed to talk, speak, or look at her until she had ingested her first cup of coffee (she always has two. No less, no more), we were allowed to watch her as she shuffled out to the kitchen in her matching pajama set (short sleeve tops and full pants, always) and slippers and began her morning sun salutation in the form of making the perfect cup of coffee.

Needless to say, I was always gonna be a coffee girlie.

I have one cup of coffee every day. That’s all, just the one. On the rare occasion, I’ll have two but only if I’m feeling extra cozy. I’m not a caffeine fiend by any stretch of the imagination; in fact, caffeine doesn’t effect me the way it does so many others. I don’t drink my morning cup of coffee to wake up. I do it because I love the taste and the ritual.¹ So, needless to say but saying it anyway, this one cup of coffee is of the utmost importance to me. It’s the first action I take every day (besides physically getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen), so whether I like it or not, it holds a lot of weight in terms of how my day is gonna go.

I know how I like my coffee—relatively sweet, pretty creamy, and made from beans with chocolate/caramel/maple-forward notes (beans with fruit notes can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned). Over the years, my morning cup of coffee has gone through many trials and tribulations as I’ve attempted to find what crafts my perfect cup.

I started off like my parents with a hefty dose of white, granulated sugar and a heavy pour of half & half. Then, with the white sugar still intact, I graduated to Coffeemate’s Hazelnut Creamer² instead of half & half for an even creamier, sweeter result! (Holy fucking sugar). Next, I realized I needed to wean off the straight sugar and play around with Splenda (but with the hazelnut creamer still). At some point, I think I started adding a little bit of sugar-free vanilla syrup in there, too. But in recent years as I became more and more interested in what makes a “healthier” cup of coffee, I started finding substitutions for the very elements that made this one cup of coffee so precious to me. I completely did away with Splenda or Stevia and relied solely on my sugar-free vanilla syrup. I’ve tried time and time again to trick my brain into enjoying the watered down milk alternatives like almond milk, pea milk, or a particularly disgusting nut and seed milk. I’ve tried the same with all types of creamers, too. During what I can only describe as a psychotic episode, I even tried to trick my tastebuds and brain into enjoying black coffee but lasted one sip.

All of these variations were my attempt to make this one cup of morning coffee “better” for me. As a generally calorie-aware person, I figured “saving” a few here and there by reformulating my coffee was a great way to start each day. Why use real milk or creamer when I could use milk-alternatives that didn’t taste like anything at all?! Why depend on sugar-free syrups or packs of Splenda when I could be a goddamn adult and try to indulge in the natural sweetness from my watery³ but “smart” creamer-alternative made from the very things squirrels scavenge for?!

It wasn’t until very recently that I finally said

FUCK THIS.

In fact, it sort of happened in Cabo last weekend. There we were, having breakfast on our hotel balcony, watching surfers catch waves and whales blow⁴ with this impossibly gorgeous breakfast spread in front of us:

I had ordered an almond milk latte and Zac had gone with his unfussy cup of coffee. While my latte looked pretty, the absence of any flavoring or sweetness made the experience of sipping my morning cup of coffee in this setting less than. I vowed that the next morning, I would order a black cup of coffee and doctor it how I actually wanted to. So I did, and goddamnit if it wasn’t a great cup of coffee. In went the creamer and single pack of Stevia (I only used half at first, took a sip, realized it wasn’t the sweetness I wanted it to be, and dumped the rest in), and as my morning cup of coffee slid down my throat it hit me

No one should ever sacrifice their perfect cup of coffee.

There are so many rules and regulations in life, so much that we are judged for doing or not doing. Unless you’re a sociopath, you’re probably innately hard on yourself. Your own worst enemy. You beat yourself up about the stupidest things, taking your life over a word, a look—at just being a human. You’re desperate to be “better.” You’re doing your damndest to avoid seed oils, consume 100 ounces of water a day, convince yourself that brown rice tastes better than white rice (it doesn’t), and trick yourself into preferring blending together frozen bananas and strawberries for a sweet treat instead of devouring a waffle cone with a single scoop of perfectly real ice cream. And while small healthier choices can add up in positive ways and “everything in moderation” is something I very much subscribe to, small acts of deprivation add up, too, but in negative ways rank with resentment.

Hopefully you are connecting the dots here and realizing the bigger message of this metaphor. This is me giving you permission to stop trying to “better” that one perfect thing that you look forward to almost daily. To stop depriving yourself of the little things that make you the happiest.

Stop trying to find ways to enjoy it less in hopes of it making you more.

Use the sugar, use the creamer. Add in syrup. Have two cups. Hell, have three! Enjoy every goddamn sip and save the moderation for something less profound.

---

READING 📖

I started The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches over the weekend in Cabo and am almost done. I am devouring this magical, warm hug of a book faster than I’d like. For the first time in a long time, it’s one of those books where I really truly don’t want it to end. It’s just so perfect.

ICYMI: Lessons in Chemistry is the Book of the Month choice for my last podcast episode in March, so get ready to join in the discussion!

WATCHING 📺

This week, Zac and I started watching The History of the World Part II on HULU, and we couldn’t be more delighted in finally finding a genuinely hilarious sketch comedy show to laugh with and at. You may be familiar with The History of the World Part I that debuted in 1981 and was directed, written by, and starred Mel Brooks. The Hollywood legend is 97 (!!!) and still at it, with this second installment 42 years later. It has a killer comedy cast and is deliciously offensive in all the right ways (our favorite sketch so far: a Curb Your Enthusiasm take on the story of Jesus). Cannot recommend this show enough!

If you’re a fan of The Last of Us, you have to check out this YouTube channel that does split-screen comparisons between the show and the video game. It’s so insanely cool (s/o to @maryslittleway for alerting me to it!).

LISTENING 🎧

The latest That’s What E Said episode called “Sun, Sand, and Seafood: A Much-Needed Escape to Cabo” went live yesterday and is ready for your ears!

I’ve been catching up on the Last of Us official podcast, and it’s great just as all HBO podcasts are.

The Office Ladies had Steve Carrell himself on this week, and I just… He is what I consider to be the world’s most likable man. I adore him so deeply, and it was such a treat to hear the three of them talk about the show so fondly and crack up throughout the one hour interview.

I’m making my way through The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling, and I have to say—it’s incredibly well-produced and organized, and generally extremely interesting. Episodes 1-3 are a lot of backstory and also setting the cultural scene from 1998 onward with a number of TV and radio show clips woven in from those years. It’s not entirely focused on Jo (Fun fact: 12 different publishing houses rejected Harry Potter until one finally picked it up, but they wanted Joanne to keep reading audiences from knowing she was a woman as they felt the book wouldn’t sell as well. So they came up with the solution of using J.K. Joanne Rowling is just that—she has no middle name). Not yet anyway. It takes a turn in episode 4 and dives into her controversial transgender commentary with her speaking directly to it, so it’s about to get a lot more interesting. As a diehard Harry Potter fan whose young adult life was truly shaped and touched by the books and movies, I just find it such an interesting, complex, uncomfortable listen. A strange way to describe a podcast I know, but if you give it a listen, you’ll understand.

Not that my readers don’t know this but, on a general note, I am not in the business of denying anyone of their identity. Whoever you choose to be and whoever you say you are, I stand with you. As long as you’re not an asshole.

MAKING 🔪

I had a hard time getting back into the kitchen this week after sitting poolside for the entire weekend, but I managed to make this Honey Sriracha Salmon Bowl by Skinnytaste, and good lord it was delicious (and SUPER easy, especially if you use microwavable rice).

SHOPPING 🛍️

Speaking of coffee in this newsletter, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much I miss drip coffee. I love our Nespresso, but I’ve found myself longing for a full pot of great drip coffee on the weekends more often than not. So after a lot of hemming and hawing and asking around, I decided to buy myself an early birthday present (April 4) and invest in a Moccamaster. I’ve wanted one ever since I saw Grossy Pelosi with one (who just announced his cookbook, BTW!) and figured now’s a better time than any. It arrives this coming week, and I will be giving you a full report so stay tuned.

I am obsessive about ensuring our home smells decent. It’s an older house and our windows have no screens, so we aren’t able to air it out how we’d like. Therefore, I ordered two of these Pura Smart Home diffusers and chose four different scents to test out. The diffusers are pretty amazing because you can control them from your phone and create schedules for when they turn on and off and at what intensity they run all day. Each diffuser can hold two scents so you can switch back and forth between them, or you can just double up on the one scent you love. Plus, the brand of scents are well-known like LAFCO, Brooklyn Candle Studio, Capri Blue, Paddywax, and so many more. So far, I’m pretty impressed. I ordered Palo Santo by Brooklyn Candle Studio, Sienna Sage by THYMES, Blush Rose by LAFCO, and Amber Oud by Pura. They’re all gorgeous except for the Palo Santo. I had the highest hopes for it, but it just does not smell right. Otherwise, I’m very happy with everything so far!

---

This coming Sunday, I will be introducing a new monthly segment for paid subscribers, and it’s a really fun one. I don’t want to give anything anyway, but keep your eyes peeled and consider upgrading to paid so you don’t miss out!

1. Also because it makes me poop almost instantly, so I start my day off feeling lighter.

2. I would eventually find my way to the sugar-free version and, years and years later, realize that the creamer is made mostly of vegetable oil and grow disgusted enough to stop using it all together (I just stopped using it in the last year).

3. I still do love MALK, though. It’s great for lattes, just not for a cup of regular black coffee that’s in dire need of real creamer.

4. Fun fact: We thought there was a more scientific term for when whales blow through their blowholes, but there isn’t. It’s quite literally called “blowing.”