Never Did I Ever...
...have sex in high school
For the most part, I love everything Mindy Kaling does (except take weight loss drugs and lie about it [just a hunch], and I also heard “Velma” was catastrophically bad). She has been my writing idol for as long as I can remember, and I hold her talents in very high regard.
“Never Have I Ever” is no exception. Mindy saw the need for a more realistic, approachable show about intellectual, awkward, hilarious, sexually awoken teenagers and gave us that (along with the help of many others, to be sure), and I’m pretty devastated it’s over. While I respect knowing when it’s time to end and not get ahead of yourself, I can’t help but be that fan who thinks, “But! They just got to college! That’s another four years of antics! PLEASE!”
But I digress. Today’s writing piece isn’t about what I consider to be a premature death of this show, but about having sex as a teenager—something I never did.
In fact, the thought really never crossed my mind. Not seriously, anyway. Everyone around me was doing it, but I think even back then I knew my anxious attachment style and tendency to react emotionally to every little thing would not fare well with teenage sex. I heard enough about it, that’s for sure. I was surrounded by what my mom always referred to as “fast” girls and boys, i.e. blowjobs and three-way kissing were rampant in seventh grade (no, really. I have an image burned in my brain of being at some apartment complex pool party in 7th grade, watching two popular volleyball players tongue kiss each other and some sk8terboi in a hot tub. It traumatized me).
In middle school, we were all but dry humping on the dance floor to “Pony” and “Too Close,” ultimately running off to giggle about feeling little pokes through the boys’ jeans. I was interested and very aware, but ultimately a late bloomer as far as my peers were concerned.
I didn’t kiss with tongue until I was 15 (edging on 16), I didn’t have a boy’s hands on my body until I was 17, and I damn well wasn’t eye-level with a penis until college.
Granted, this is how I looked around 14, so it adds up:
Look at that cronchy hair. Anyway, there’s so much more I want to share on this subject, but I’m—SAY IT WITH ME NOW—saving it for my imminent memoir, so I’ll stick to the main idea which is how impressed I was by how the writers of Never Have I Ever had Devi handle her first time and the subsequent emotions of it all.
She was so generally…unfazed? Which was surprising as we’ve come to know Devi as a very intense, hot-headed, boy crazy teenage girl who feels things deeply. At first, I was shocked by how chill she was about the whole thing. Granted, sometimes you’ll stuff just about anything down in the name of saving face and extricating yourself from incredibly awkward situations (like Ben offering to call her an Uber immediately after sex), but I was surprised by how little the writers focused on the aftermath of Devi losing her v-card.
She reacted, for sure. And we got the obligatory kiss and tell pow-wow with her besties immediately after, including the great what-to-text debate, but that’s pretty much all we got. Yes, they got in some spats and there was some drama between them and his girlfriend, but overall, Devi seemed…
Fine?
And that really rocked me. Even at 36 years old, I sat there wondering how in the world a teenage girl could be so chill about not only losing her virginity, but also getting slighted immediately after. And dealing with the fact that boy to which she gave it doesn’t immediately want to proclaim his deep love for her/marry her/make her his queen? How could she just go along with her daily life, not taking her life over it and obsessing about it every second of every day? How did she seemingly shake it off so fast? Wasn’t she devastated to the point of hardly functioning?
But then I realized the writers wrote it this way not only for a plot twist on the typical reaction we’d expect from Devi, but to depict a smart, mature teenage girl who, while now sexually active, wasn’t letting it define the rest of her high school experience. She had more important things to do, like get recommendation letters, get into Princeton, and—fuck me—go on to have another sexual romp with a bad boy!
Devi didn’t overreact because her young character was written as an example of how you can be an intense, ambitious, highly intellectual, book smart, sassy, passionate, boss ass woman who doesn’t live and die by her sexual encounters or expect all sex to end in a passionate, long-term relationship like some of us (It’s me, Hi.). And I respect the fuck out of her and the show creators for that.
WATCHING 📺
We finished Jury Duty the other night, and I have to say—I could watch a feature length film on the Making Of. I was disappointed with how little BTS we got on this entire experiment and venture, and random James Marsden interviews on YouTube just aren’t cutting it. I’m still in shock over Ronald as a whole, which I wrote about in last week’s free letter.
MAKING 🔪
I made homemade Snickers for my dad’s birthday last weekend, and they’ve rendered me speechless. I really don’t think the English dictionary has the right words to describe just how incredibly decadent and amazing this dessert is. Making the nougat got a little messy, but otherwise, the recipe couldn’t be easier or more absolutely fucking insanely orgasmically good. HOT COLD TIP: While these are great fresh out of the fridge, they’re even better if you cut them into smaller, bite-size pieces and store them in the freezer. Because they’re homemade, the chocolate melts quickly so freezing them helps with that. Anyway, make them.
SHOPPING 🛍️
Maybe this is just a Dallas thing with all the rain this season, but the flies are OUT OF CONTROL. You cannot escape them whether you’re inside or outside. That said, these fly zappers are not only incredibly fun, but work like a charm. Pour a cocktail, turn them on, and make a game out of who can electrocute the most flies—FUN!
I’m still sort of in shock at the rampant resurrection of hair claw clips. I’ve completely and fully leaned into the trend, but am still shook that something that was so popular when I was a kid is popular once more (i.e. I’m getting old). I ordered this pack of all different colors and LOVE THEM. Love the style, the colors, the grip—all of it. Highly recommend them!
When we were in Chicago, my sister had just had these activity shorts delivered and the obsession was immediate. I had to order a pair for myself for when I don’t want to wear tight bike shorts and am tired of denim shorts, but want to wear shorts. They are super comfortable and TTS (I took a medium).
I am desperately trying to find summer dresses. I just did a Poshmark Purge™ (there are still a few things available in my closet!) and am in dire need of just a few adorable sundresses, and I can’t seem to find any I love except this gingham one from Shopbop. It’s on sale for an extra 25% off right now, making it $51 and I love it (I took a medium).
So while I’m obsessed with my pre-owned Gucci duffel, it doesn’t have a little sleeve to fit over my roller bag, which is a hard thing to adjust to after using the Calpak Luka duffel for so long. However, I poked around Amazon and ordered this bungee strap to solve the issue. Here’s hoping it actually works.
I go through phases of being hyper-fixated on my curls and not giving a shit about them, and I’m in a H-F phase right now. That said, I have several new curly hair products heading my way this weekend, but I already received this pomade from Ouai and IT SMELLS SO GOOD. I needed more of a pomade/wax to achieve my slicked back bun look, and this stuff works like a charm and smells like a dream.
@ Free Subscribers: In lieu of a free letter next week, I’ll be sending out two paid letters. The first will be Got It From My Mama (GIFMM), a monthly letter written and curated entirely by my mom, Ellen! The second will be my monthly Things I Bought And Returned letter (TIBAR) featuring all the things I bought and sent back in the month of June. It’s a LONG one this month, too.
All that said, consider upgrading to paid just to try it out and see how it feels. It’s $5 a month (or $1.25 a letter), or $40 for an entire year so you can set it and forget it!
Thanks to everyone who reads, engages, shares, and enjoys these letters.
Have a wonderful weekend!
—EGM
Love your perspective on Devi!!