No More Indoor S'Mores + The Weekly Digress | 6.9

Fire. Fire on the mountain.

In just two days, Zac and I are heading out on our first big solo vacation sans Ziggy. We’ll touch down in Oregon Wednesday around 1PM PST and make our way to a gorgeous little Inn in the heart of Willamette Valley and more than likely drink ourselves semi-silly over the course of 4 days. I. Can’t. Wait.

So since this is an extra short week for me, I wanted to hit y’all with a double-whammy today: a very short story (and lesson) about indoor s’mores, and The Weekly Digress.

Enjoy!

Ever since my sister sent a picture of her and her fam enjoying rooftop s’mores the other week, I’ve had quite the hankering. Now, we have a fire pit in which we could make outdoor s’mores the way God intended, but it’s also hot as hell here in Texas and Zac doesn’t like s’mores (which is a whole other issue for another time), so I wasn’t going to make a big spectacle out of starting an outdoor fire for exactly ONE s’more.

But I made a spectacle anyway by almost burning our house down.

Saturday night, after looking up several “indoor oven s’more” recipes online, I attempted to do exactly that — make a s’more inside. My first round went pretty poorly and resulted in a black graham cracker and near-black marshmallow. Alas, I couldn’t rest until I had my damn s’more, so I tried again on a lower temperature and for way less time.

It turned out fine. I ate it. It still got the job done.

Last night (Sunday), I found myself craving another s’more but wanted to try a new approach I had found involving the broiler.

Let me be clear — I FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS. Parchment paper on a baking tray. Graham cracker with marshmallow on top. Top rack for 45 SECONDS. THAT’S IT.

I slid the tray inside the oven, closed the door, and the paper immediately burst into FLAMES.

Not a spark — FULL FLAMES. MULTIPLE.

“AHHH!!! ZAC!!! ZAC!!!” I screamed with unbridled panic.

“WHAT?!”

“FIRE! FIRE FIRE FIRE!”

My panic caused me to open the oven door thinking that may stop the fire, and the flames jumped out, attacking the dials of our range.

Zac came flying in, knocking over my nearly 20-year-old KAO Dad’s Day pint glass in the process and shattering it, reaching over my head to where we keep the fire extinguisher.

But the fire put itself out. IDK how. Oxygen maybe (I’m not a scientists FFS)? All I know is, as quickly as it had roared to life and made my house flash before my eyes, it was dead on the scene and I was left with this as my s’more:

That is parchment paper burnt to a crisp. It was flaky to the touch. The marshmallow was wrapped up in it but I didn’t get to take a picture before we threw it all away.

Now you would think that after this debacle, I’d throw in the towel on last night’s s’more. But you’d be wrong. I wanted a fucking s’more, goddammit. An almost-house fire couldn’t stop the craving (and no, I’m not pregnant again. Just a bitch who loves s’mores). So I did what I should’ve done from the jump — put a fucking marshmallow on top of a fucking graham, fucking toast it in the toaster oven for like 3 minutes, take it out, let the chocolate melt on top, and then make my s’more sandwich and enjoy it.

So next time someone tries to convince you that “indoor s’mores” is a thing — it’s not. HOWEVER, you can and should make this S’mores Dip inside to enjoy. I feel like it’s the next best thing.

RIP my 20yo pint glass.

READING

As of last week, I finished The Names by Florence Knapp.

The fact this is her debut novel is mind-blowing. Like, if I were her, I’d be terrified I’d never top this book. Maybe she is. Terrified, I mean. But honestly, if this was her only book, why not go out on top?

A very quick synopsis of The Names:

A woman’s abusive husband demands their son be named after him. In one version of this story, she obeys. In two other versions, she does not. The plot follows the three different versions over the course of 35 years to illustrate just how much a name can mean.

The writing, the storylines, the character development — it’s all mesmerizing. The format, too, is unlike anything I’ve read before. I stayed up way too late several nights to finish this book because I had to know. The three alternate universes will captivate you immediately, and you won’t be able to sleep until you know the fate of Bear, Julian, and Gordon.

100/5 stars.

WATCHING

Zac and I binged The Four Seasons over the weekend. We haven’t binged a show since B.Z., so it was quite a treat. That is, the binging aspect. Not the show itself.

The problem with this show is that Steve Carrell is everything to me and watching him play the role of a tool was really difficult.

Not only that, but Tina Fey’s character was so damn bitchy and mean to her husband, which was also really hard to watch.

Overall, it was an easy watch in that there are only 8 episodes and there’s enough happening per episode to keep you locked in, but it wasn’t our favorite by any means. The heart of the show explores the age-old question of whether soulmates exist or if love is a conscious choice we make daily and, subsequently, what happiness looks like in long-term relationships.

The ending of season one (it’s already been given a season two) felt so phoned in to me. Just really low hanging fruit sort of plot twists. Not sure if we’ll catch the next season or not; depends on how bored we are, I guess.

I would also like to take this opportunity to retract my initial review of Overcompensating. After watching the entire series, I’ve decided it’s amazing and such a thoughtful depiction of what it looks like to be in the closet. I loved it and am actually starting from the top so I can catch everything I missed the first time around.

MAKING

I threw together a kale Caesar salad last night and made this greek yogurt-based dressing for it and WOW. It is so damn good, and replacing the mayo with GY makes this dressing hardly caloric and boosts your protein, which we love.

I also made

Caroline Chambers

Lemon Basil Pasta on Saturday night, and Zac and I were GAGGED (in the best, most delicious way). This recipe is pay-walled on her Substack, but I promise it’s worth it. Her entire Substack is. I’ve never made a subpar recipe by her; they’re all fucking brilliant.

SHOPPING

We updated our microwave game big time, and this one is so damn nice? And heats things slower, which… is a good thing. It also has a SOFT CLOSE door? So you can SLAM IT, and it will never actually slam shut. So fun.

The sweetheart neckline on this Abercrombie top is perfection. It’s a really great summer top, IMO. True to size!

I literally just got both of these tops from Target a few hours ago. This
”lady vest” in the off-white with gold buttons is just too damn cute, and I loved the fit of this black “vest" with the split-open bottom. It’s a vest kind of summer, I guess. TTS

Speaking of Targ, these joggers are eerily similar to Vuori’s but for a fraction of the cost. The fit is fantastic and so is the weight. TTS

Anthro’s “Colette” pants are always a home run for me — I have a few colors and just recently added a tan and white stripe pair to my collection. I found them in-store, but can’t find the tan version online. But maybe you can?! FWIW, I think sizing up one in these pants is ideal.

Sandals are Reformation

In case you missed my IG stories over the weekend, I showed off my new, very loud (literally and figuratively) keyboard and mouse situation that I’m obsessed with, and I also sang the new $10 e.l.f. Glow Reviver Lip Balm in “Wild Cherry” its praises (it’s sold out at my local Targets, so I ordered it from Amazon). So good.

That’s all I’ve got for this week, guys. I’m sure I’ll be storying away while we’re in Oregon this week, so stay tuned and we’ll catch up next week!

— EGM