I’ve really been pondering this concept of nice vs kind since reading this issue of the digress. I have a two year old boy, and I’m working hard to shape his inner voice to affirm the positive I see in him and let that help redirect his negative actions. Example: “you are a kind boy, and when you hit mommy that is not kind. We don’t hit mommy, we use hands to xyz…” It has always bugged me when people tell him to “be nice”, like what does that even mean? Nice feels surface level, like you’re gonna do the action but be rolling your eyes the whole time. Kind is intrinsic. It’s caring and compassionate, gentle and respectful, authentic in the way you see and treat the world. Thanks for helping me shape this conversation so I can be an even better advocate to raise kind humans!
Your section about nice vs. kind reminded me of an inside joke that I have with my fiancé. Here's the joke:
Two southern women were sitting on a porch. The one turned to the other and said "Do you see my new car in the driveway? My husband bought it for me for our anniversary this year." The other woman replies "Oh, well that's nice". The first woman then holds out her hands and shows off her sparkly rings and bracelets. "And my husband bought these for me for our anniversary last year." To which the second woman replies "Oh well that's nice." The first woman then asks, "What did your husband buy you for your anniversary?" Woman two replies "He bought me finishing school." "Oh?" asks woman one. "Yes" replies woman two "I used to say 'F*** YOU' when someone was bragging but now I just say 'Oh well that's nice'."
So now, if we're ever out socially and someone is being rude or bragging, we say "Oh well that's nice." and its sounds so polite but it really means 'F*** YOU'. Its for those moments when you really shouldn't say what's on your mind.
I’ve really been pondering this concept of nice vs kind since reading this issue of the digress. I have a two year old boy, and I’m working hard to shape his inner voice to affirm the positive I see in him and let that help redirect his negative actions. Example: “you are a kind boy, and when you hit mommy that is not kind. We don’t hit mommy, we use hands to xyz…” It has always bugged me when people tell him to “be nice”, like what does that even mean? Nice feels surface level, like you’re gonna do the action but be rolling your eyes the whole time. Kind is intrinsic. It’s caring and compassionate, gentle and respectful, authentic in the way you see and treat the world. Thanks for helping me shape this conversation so I can be an even better advocate to raise kind humans!
Your section about nice vs. kind reminded me of an inside joke that I have with my fiancé. Here's the joke:
Two southern women were sitting on a porch. The one turned to the other and said "Do you see my new car in the driveway? My husband bought it for me for our anniversary this year." The other woman replies "Oh, well that's nice". The first woman then holds out her hands and shows off her sparkly rings and bracelets. "And my husband bought these for me for our anniversary last year." To which the second woman replies "Oh well that's nice." The first woman then asks, "What did your husband buy you for your anniversary?" Woman two replies "He bought me finishing school." "Oh?" asks woman one. "Yes" replies woman two "I used to say 'F*** YOU' when someone was bragging but now I just say 'Oh well that's nice'."
So now, if we're ever out socially and someone is being rude or bragging, we say "Oh well that's nice." and its sounds so polite but it really means 'F*** YOU'. Its for those moments when you really shouldn't say what's on your mind.