Vent Sesh!!!
Because we all need to rant sometimes* (*all the time)
I woke up yesterday feeling feisty as hell. I happened upon someone’s Instagram stories whom I follow but never engage with and was immediately triggered by her posting a “happy birthday” picture to a friend wherein the focal point was the poster, and the friend’s back was LITERALLY TO THE CAMERA. She doubled-down by making it a picture from HER wedding in her bridal era, and I just had it. I instantly took to MY stories to vent about this social media faux pas and open the floor to my beloved followers to share what’s grinding THEIR gears lately, and y’all DELIVERED.
I’m keeping today’s letter free so we can all indulge. I will never crowdsource a subject here or on Instagram, then put the answers behind a paywall — that’s shitty to me, and something I don’t believe in.
I got A LOT of of submissions and can’t possibly share them all, so here are my top picks and my reactions to each vent. I’m going to put a little poll under my reaction to each so you can vote on whether or not you agree or disagree! FUN!
“When there are four elevators but someone shoves their way in to one as the doors are closing.”
Listen, this doesn’t bother me because, most of the time, elevator banks are fucked up and you can’t rely on when the next one is gonna be there. If you’re running late or in a hurry or just don’t want to wait around for the next one AND you can fit, go for it, I say.
“Select a size paper towels. I DO NOT WANT TO SELECT A SIZE GIVE ME A FULL SIZED ONE, FUCK.”
YES TO THIS. I don’t want a fraction of a paper towel — I want the old goddamn thing. If I end up only using a fraction of it but throwing the entire sheet away, that’s a ME problem. Does it make me a wasteful person? Sure. But I’ll make that decision for myself, thanks.
“People not saying ‘thank you’ when you hold the door.”
This sends me into outer space. It is so beyond rude and entitled. My mom taught me from a very young age to half-yell “YOU’RE WELCOME!” after the perp when this happens. Sometimes I have the balls to do it; sometimes, I chicken out.
“People that talk on speaker anywhere in public.”
The comfortability people seem to have doing this is insane to me. Headphones and earbuds are not a novelty — they’re not hard to come by. I mean for fuck’s sake, you get a pair for free with a purchase of your phone most of the time. Speakerphone in public is exasperating, but FaceTime is just beyond me. ESPECIALLY because the sound quality of FaceTime is so bad even when you’re at home in a quiet room, so to do it in public is just… WHAT.
“Men hanging their towels on the door.”
Oh. YOU MEAN LIKE THIS?????????????????????
“When you wave for someone to go at a 4-way stop because they were there first and they act offended and then we are at a stalemate.”
LOL. Yes, this grinds my gears so much, too. Like, I waved you along. You have permission to go. Oh, you don’t LIKE that I’m calling the shots? You’d prefer to go when you’re good and ready??? Cool, fuck you.
“Putting shit on the right side of Instagram Stories so I’m forced to tap on it.”
The absolute worst, and possibly a cry for help. If people want to click, they’ll click. Forced clicks never lead anywhere authentic or fulfilling, trust me.
“When people get married and post ‘can’t wait to spend forever with you’ like forever is a set amount of time.” + “The expression ‘forever wedding date.’”
I’m almost positive I’m guilty of using both of these expressions, so I have no dog in this fight. Also, “forever” feels better to write than “hopefully a good 60-70 years!”
“The phrase ‘no worries.’”
I fucking hate these two words together so much. They mean nothing. It’s just such a throwaway reply.
“Passive aggressive emoji use in corporate American communications.”
Hey, Nancy! Per your last email, I actually did attach that file 😊 Maybe you missed it? 🤪 No worries!
“When people announce big news and someone comments ‘I’ve been waiting for this!!!” or “Finally!’”
THIS. Amanda Hirsch of Not Skinny But Not Fat did a whole bit about this a few weeks ago and how annoying it is. Like, WE GET IT, NANCY. YOU KNEW BEFORE THE GENERAL PUBLIC DID. HERE’S A COOKIE! It’s like people just NEED you to know that they knew before you knew because you’re more special and better than them, and they need to make SURE you know that. I can’t.
“The term ‘mom style’ or ‘school drop off.’ I unfollow immediately.”
This is such a thing nowadays, and without having school-aged children, I can already tell you I hate it. I actually sent this reel to my friends last week just to see their reaction and was not disappointed. The comments are gold. But for real, if you can manage to put a hat and a bra on before school pick-up or drop-off, I applaud you.
“When you’re sad/complaining and someone says ‘that sucks’ like yeah, no shit. Thanks.”
I hate to tell you that whoever is doing this to you is straight up not listening or engaged with your story. They are saying “that sucks” because THEY suck and have nothing more to add. If anyone ever does this to you, write them off as someone to whom you can’t fruitfully vent and move on.
“When people say “but at least you have summer off!” (I’m a teacher)”
I mean, it IS amazing that teachers get the summer off but is it worth the pain, strife, and offensive salaries they undergo the rest of the year? Methinks not. If I ruled the world, teachers and nurses would be billionaires.
“When people just stop walking in the middle of the sidewalk. Step to the side!”
This but also everywhere, not just sidewalks. When this happens at the airport, I rage internally. I’m sorry this is your first time traveling, Nancy, but some of us are seasoned vets and are ON THE MOVE. The full stop in any sort of public arena that involves a lot of people milling about is just…
“People standing up on an airplane immediately after landing makes my blood boil.”
You’d hate my husband.
“When bloggers say ‘fits TTS, and I’m wearing a zero for reference.’”
LOLOL. Yeah. I get this. If you say it’s TTS… that means whatever YOUR size is, it should fit. No need to remind us that you’re a zero, babe. General “TTS, size up, size down” language works.
“When I’m trying to shit in a public bathroom and someone sits there silently with me.”
I have never lost a bathroom stand-off, and I’m damn proud of it. If I am in there to shit, whether I got there first or last, I will stand my ground until I’ve successfully gotten every other person in there to leave me be. I have sat for 20 minutes before holding my shit in just so I could be alone. Do. Not. Test. Me.
That’s all for today. I’ll catch you back here Friday for the FREE Weekly List + a paid section for paying subscribers as a little treat heading into the weekend.
Until then…
— EGM
This was a very entertaining newsletter. I had fun responding to all the situations. It made me feel young again... almost like I was intensely engaged with a SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE question/response test. Those used to be the excitement of my LIFE.
I read this at the end of my work day, and it was the perfect little pick-me-up. Just the right amount of rage. Like a fury-fueled flan. Delectable. That bit about stopping in the middle of walking? I will straight mow someone DOWN. But I also have a big heart. Thank you <3